Jokes in category: “lottery”:

So what if Derren Brown can predict the lottery numbers.
It turns out that I can as well.
But unlike him, I won 2.4 million pounds tonight.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I've decided that, if I ever win the lottery, I won't let the money change me.
I'll leave that to the plastic surgeons.

Submitted by: giorgiss

When the lottery first started, I'd pick the numbers after my wife's age, weight and vital statistics.
I no longer play the lottery.

Submitted by: giorgiss

My mate asked, "What would you buy yourself if you won the lottery?"
"Acting lessons probably."
"Act..Why?"
"I'd like to be convincing when anybody asks me if I have any money."

Submitted by: giorgiss

I've just won the Lottery, to celebrate I'm having a tattoo of my lucky winnings numbers done on my arm.
15,23, and 46.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Won money on the Lotto and immediately decided to take a break.
Bought 12 Kit Kat's with my 8 quid.

Submitted by: giorgiss

My wife's a bit like the national lottery.
Everyone has a chance, for a pound.

Submitted by: giorgiss

"What would you buy if you won the lottery?" asked my girlfriend.
"Oh you know, probably just the usual stuff; big house, fast car" I replied.
"Would you leave me for another woman?"
"Of course not, darling, I'd leave you for several."

Submitted by: giorgiss

Thanks to the Euromillions; the only reason we'll see 'Euro Success' and 'Liverpool' in the same sentence.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Sky News: Dozens Killed In India Bus Crash Fireball.
These national lottery games are getting a bit extreme

Submitted by: giorgiss