I met this beautiful woman in a club and we got dancing, she suddenly put her hand on my crotch and said, "Oh my! You are a big boy! You're certainly hiding something down there" then gave me a cheeky smile.
"Thanks," I said, "Most girls think it's weird that I bring my guinea pig out clubbing."Submitted by: giorgiss
I suck at blowing up balloons...
That's probably why I can't do it.Submitted by: giorgiss
My mum won the Irish Lottery.
Now she owes them 6 million quid.Submitted by: giorgiss
"It's not you, it's me."
I hate sorting photos with my twin brother.Submitted by: giorgiss
BT has admitted to leaking thousands of customers details.
It's not the first time; every year they leak the names, addresses and phone numbers of everyone in my town and post it to me in a big book. Idiots.Submitted by: giorgiss
I was staring at a woman trying to breast feed on the bus today.
She said, "You're a really weird bloke."
"Why?" I asked. "Because I'm staring at you?"
She said, "No, because you're trying to breast feed a baby."Submitted by: giorgiss
I have a feeling I'm not as popular as I thought. I've been put in goal for my local darts team.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I've a horrible feeling I'm under surveillance.
I've been looking at Google Street View and the same van has been outside my house for days now.Submitted by: giorgiss
Government aim to reduce Jay-Z's problems to 75 by 2015
Submitted by: giorgiss
"Why do people say burnt 'out'?" I said. "A building can't be burnt 'in', so I don't see the point in saying it really."
"I'll ask you again," the fireman said urgently. "In which room of the house is your wife trapped?"Submitted by: giorgiss
