My girlfriend prepared a fried breakfast for me this morning.
I could tell she'd never made cornflakes before.Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife said I'm an idiot who can't do the simplest of things right.
So I packed her bags and left.Submitted by: giorgiss
As I sat down to eat my dinner today, that Unicef ad came on the Tv.
Apparently there are 7 million children ill, starving or dying.
I looked down at my plate of Steak, chips, mushrooms and fried onions, I felt a sickness in my stomach...
I can't stand onions!Submitted by: giorgiss
I love selling stuff on the internet to people who don't know you.
I've already sold the same homing pigeon 24 times on eBay.Submitted by: giorgiss
The wife just asked, "What's that pile of clothes doing on the kitchen floor?"
I said, "It's a dead Jedi."Submitted by: giorgiss
I turned up at Dragon's Den earlier in full armour with a broadsword.
They looked just as confused as I was.Submitted by: giorgiss
Students, cause chaos in your town. Wait until you spot some young lads from the council digging up the road.
Call the police and tell them there are some students, dressed as roadworkers, digging up the road for a bet.
Then approach the roadworkers, and tell them that some students, dressed as policemen, are going to try to arrest them.
Get a deckchair and enjoy the action.Submitted by: giorgiss
I just melted an ice cube by staring at it.
Took a bit longer than I thought it would, though.Submitted by: giorgiss
In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink.
It had a single word on it: "Think!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign, and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "Thoap!"Submitted by: giorgiss
My new stopwatch is brilliant, it can go from 0-60 in a minute.
Submitted by: giorgiss
