Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life.
Give an octopus nunchucks, and no-one's eating fish ever again.Submitted by: giorgiss
If people are so amazed by crop circles, they should see the farm near my house. Aliens have somehow managed to cut down all the crops, roll them into enormous cylinder shapes, and stack them by the side of the field.
Submitted by: giorgiss
When I die, I'd like the word 'Humble' to be written
on my statue.Submitted by: giorgiss
Got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist.
I regretted it literally one minute later.Submitted by: giorgiss
When I gave my wife a penguin bar as a birthday present she looked up at me and said, "Is this some kind of joke?"
"Yes," I replied, "and on the inside there's a chocolate covered biscuit."Submitted by: giorgiss
Apparently Morrissey left the UK because he thought there were too many foreigners here.
Not sure what he expected to find elsewhere.Submitted by: giorgiss
My girlfriend has just given birth and, unfortunately, the baby came out dead.
I know what this means and I'm extremely upset - I just can't believe she's been having an affair with a zombie.Submitted by: giorgiss
I like to go to beaches early in the morning and bury metal items with 'Get a life!' written on them.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I was standing outside the off licence earlier when I stopped some bloke who was going in.
I said, "Excuse me mate, can you buy me some alcohol please?"
He looked at me and said, "You must be old enough, surely?"
"Yeah I am" I replied, "I just don't have any money."Submitted by: giorgiss
I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty before I was sacked for no apparent reason.
What a waste of fourteen years.Submitted by: giorgiss
