As adverts on the television tell us not to use light switches if we smell gas, I find it useful to always have a candle ready for use in such emergencies.
Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife said I'm acting like a woman lately,I didn't react to her i just gave her the silent treatment and continued to put on my make up.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I've just quit my job as a submariner.
I was under too much pressure.Submitted by: giorgiss
Why do hipsters hate zombies?
They preferred them when they were underground.Submitted by: giorgiss
When I die, I want my tombstone to have free WiFI, so people visit more often.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I was walking down the street with my girlfriend this morning when I waved to my old school pal Freddy across the road and my girlfriend said, "I thought you didn't like him?"
I replied, "I don't. I'm trying to distract him so he walks into a lamp post."Submitted by: giorgiss
Saying "I don't know whether I prefer Runescape or World of Warcraft" is like saying "I dont know if I'd rather have no friends due to having Downs or having a contagious disease"
Submitted by: giorgiss
1612: "Oh Charles, I write to inform you I have received your letter and I've been left quite speechless"
2012: "K"Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife's leaving me because apparently "I just don't get it". Take yesterday for example. She told me I would soon be hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet. I was so excited I went straight out and bought a new suit.
Well, it's not everyday Ronnie Corbett comes round for dinner is it?Submitted by: giorgiss
I update my facebook status using my Blackberry so as people think I am out and have a life.
Submitted by: giorgiss
