Jokes in category: “wordplay”:

I've just been given two weeks to live.
The wife's gone away for a fortnight.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Local girl Joanna Mow leaps to her death on her birthday...
Your middle name wouldn't be Ronny would it Jo?

Submitted by: giorgiss

I auditioned for Britain's Got Talent when it visited Cardiff. But, shockingly, I was turned down.
That's right, my signature 'balancing a Mars Bar on my head for ten minutes' failed to impress Simon Cowell.
He said, "Sorry, but Osama Bin Laden's had a Bounty on his head for eight years."

Submitted by: giorgiss

My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.
I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"

Submitted by: giorgiss

A book just fell on my head.
I've only got myshelf to blame.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I shot someone with a starting gun.
I've been charged with race crimes

Submitted by: giorgiss

I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!'
I thought, "That's just spam."

Submitted by: giorgiss

Capitalisation is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse," and "I helped my uncle jack off a horse."

Submitted by: giorgiss

So 1p has been cut from petrol?
I don't think etrol has quite the same ring to it.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Do you know what really makes me smile?
Facial muscles.

Submitted by: giorgiss