Jokes in category: “wordplay”:

Why are some of the jokes on here so bad timing?

Submitted by: giorgiss

I've been sleeping with this bloke's wife and today he sent me this text:
"You go near her again and ill have you dead! Mark my words!"
To which I replied:
"8 out of 10, I'll requires an apostrophe and a capital I."

Submitted by: giorgiss

Is it just me......
or does anybody else find pressing F5 refreshing?

Submitted by: giorgiss

I got done for shoplifting in ASDA today.
I paid for six cans of Sprite at the self checkout, but when security checked my bag he discovered I'd picked seven up.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Mosquito net: 12
Fresh water supply: 500
A starving African child: Riceless

Submitted by: giorgiss

I was in an English exam and they asked "Write the past tense of 'Think'"
I thought and thought about this for ages.
Eventually, I went for 'Thunk'

Submitted by: giorgiss

I just drank some wkd with ice in it.
It was wicked.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Whiteboards are remarkable.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Some yob attacked me down the local park tonight with a bat.
I was really impressed at how well he'd trained it.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Scientist - My findings are pointless when taken out of context.
Media - Scientist claims "findings are pointless"

Submitted by: giorgiss