I phoned my work this morning and said, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today, I have a wee cough."
He said, "You have a wee cough?"
I said, "Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!"Submitted by: giorgiss
I have decided to write all my jokes in capitals from now on.
This one was written in London.Submitted by: giorgiss
I have a real habit of acting out the names of any towns that I visit.
For example, when I went to Poole, I went swimming.
When I went to Rugby, I played Rugby.
When I went to Bath, I took a bath.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I need bailing out of Blackburn police station.Submitted by: giorgiss
The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.
She hit the roof.Submitted by: giorgiss
I went through three magazines on a train yesterday.
I'd killed a dozen people by the time they wrestled the gun off me.Submitted by: giorgiss
It's really difficult to find what you want on eBay.
I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches.Submitted by: giorgiss
I read in the paper that there are up to 100,000 battered women in the UK each year.
And all this time I've been eating them raw.Submitted by: giorgiss
My mate dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water....I think he meant well.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I was walking through the park last night and one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another covered me in sulphuric acid.
It was terrible. I didn't know how to react.Submitted by: giorgiss
I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery.
I've had it right up to here with them.Submitted by: giorgiss
